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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 128
The Mafia Gazette Issue 128 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 13th February 'ALBERT NERI KILLED BY FAULTY GUN ' Consigliere Albert Neri died early yesterday evening in a freak accident that saw his gun explode in his hand. The emergency services rushed to his aid, but he was pronounced dead at the scene. Chief Medical Examiner Dr Crippin did the autopsy on the body as soon as it arrived at the morgue and released his findings as soon as it was over. He stated that Mr Neri had died from massive loss of blood, which was caused by a piece of the gun’s barrel lodging close to the heart. Also in the report it says that there was massive trauma to the hand, which saw it almost disintegrated by the blast. The time of death was placed at five minutes to seven yesterday evening, and several witnesses have come forward to say that they saw Mr Neri take aim at a hoodlum who had apparently been attacking someone from his family. We do not as yet know the identity of the hoodlum, although the witnesses identified a man named Retro, although the Police have as yet not commented on the identity of the man. It is not yet known whether the deceased’s family will be suing the gun manufacturer, although it is rumoured that the gun was one he hadn’t used previously. Mourners lined the streets to watch the procession that took the cement-clad dead body of Consigliere Albert Neri to be thrown into the bay in the traditional Mafia-style burial. His passing saddened all and some were angered that he had died. Hardest hit were his crew and our condolences go out to the Angels With Dirty Faces family at this time. 'POLICE CHIEF QUIZZED ' Once again the chief of police Frederic Herrington Snr. Faced was placed in a difficult situation yesterday at another press conference. Reporters demanded an explanation for the increase in jail breaks and if it was indeed connected to the new laundry service the prisons provided. After much hesitation Chief Herrington responded by assuring the public that prison security could not be breached and jail breaks had yet to occur on a laundry day. One reporter cited an instance where six felons had escaped in a laundry truck but this was flatly denied by the Chief. When he was pressed again about the six felons escaping, he claimed that he was unaware of any problem with the new laundry service being used as an escape route and would look into any claims with a view to tightening security. In response to questions concerning the increase of the budget for workshop tools the chief responded without comment. An aide to the chief later reported that the jail had been covering up the high cost of replacement tools by putting it to the laundry costs. The jail accountants claimed that the higher laundry costs were to do with bars now being open and drunks soiling themselves while being in jail and too drunk to reach their toilet bucket. Later the same day a prisoner was captured breaking out of jail dressed in nothing but a string vest and underwear. When he was re-captured, he tried to claim that he was just an innocent jogger, and he might have got away with it except one of the brighter police officers spotted the prison service laundry tag on the underwear. Police deny any molestation of the escapee, but it should be pointed out that the laundry tags are on the inside of the clothing. 'DEBATE CONTINUES OVER USE OF OOC AVENUE ' A debate is ongoing as to the state of our streets and in particular OOC Avenue where it appears most topics get aired instead of being out in the streets where they should be. Several people have taken part in the debate started by Mr Fox, and some of the cleaners have also been involved in putting ideas forward for discussion. The original call was to have OOC Avenue torn down in an attempt to get commerce back onto the streets, however this was deemed too drastic a measure. Other ideas have been put forward by other members of the community in a bid to see the continuation of this area of the community without it becoming filled to capacity with the same old conversations about names, who is best and so on. One idea was to pay people to move their conversations to the streets, a more suitable location for several of the discourses seen recently, and at least two people favour another idea to restrict the starting of conversations to those new to the community, leaving it as an area to gain help, tips and information to assist in the normal day-to-day life and the transition to speaking in the streets of our community. The debate is still ongoing, and can be joined by any with ideas to share on how to better our community and encourage a more open use of the streets. 'GAZETTE MILLIONS COMPETITION PAGE - DEFINING MOMENTS IN MAFIA HISTORY ' Just a reminder of our current Competition where you can win millions for sharing your story with us here at the newspaper. This week we have asked for you the reader to send in your “Defining Moment In History” where you tell us what you think the turning points, the crunch points, the parts where one thing has meant that our community was affected enough to take a new path, or just those golden moments that stick out in our minds as great days for the community or for you as individuals. There are still several prizes up for grabs, and the total prize fund is in excess of five million dollars. A prize of one million dollars each will be awarded to the writer of the best letter and the best viewpoint article, with other prizes for runners up, as well as prizes for categories such as most amusing, most interesting/informative, and “the one that got away”, being a prize for the one the judges liked the most, but wasn’t a category winner. So, to win one of these prizes, please send your letters and articles in to the Gazette offices here in Chicago addressed to either CarmelaDeAngelis or Randle. Entries should be in no later than the end of Thursday each week and the winning entries will be printed in our Bumper Weekender Edition on a Saturday. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' The Gazette is once again recruiting, although this time we’ve re-vamped our wage structure! Journalists will now be paid between $100k-$250k for their articles, plus bonuses for regular writers. At this price, why NOT submit a sample for a tryout? 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